Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, yeah! Oh, this is the life, huh? A couple beers, game on TV. Yeah, I opened a bottle of wine in the kitchen for the ladies. They should be good for an hour. More like a half hour. Yeah, I may need to feed the meter. Change the channel, we want to watch that dancing show. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Daddy and Uncle Don are watching football. So no talking. Whos that guy? Teddy, thats talking. Commercial! Switch it to the dancing show. No, no, if I switch it, itll never go back. I used that trick on your mother during the Royal Wedding. Just watch - the commercials. - Thats right. - Its good for the economy. - Mm. Hey, look, that old guy just took a blue pill. And now that lady likes him. What kind of pill is that, Uncle Don? Oh, its a magical pill. What does it do? - And were out. - Yep. Okay, remember the blue pill. We can use that again. Oh, hey, we had a great idea. Were starting a book club. Yeah, you want to hear about it? Keep walking, keep walking. Well, this isnt so bad. We can still see the game through our neighbors window. Yeah. And old man Ferguson isnt wearing pants. Neither is Mrs. Ferguson. Maybe just go ahead and turn this way - for a little while. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I cant believe were stuck out here. We need a place to hang. You know, nothing fancy. Just a place with some walls where we can look in any direction and not be scarred for life. Hey... why dont we fix up your garage? Itd be perfect. Don, dont even bother. Our problem may be solved after all. Looks like your wifes packing up to leave you. No, she just... she just never throws anything away, ever. All right, come on, lets just start throwing this junk out. No, no, no, no, we cant. Andi will lose her mind. Thered be a lot of yelling. But you wont hear it, cause youll be out here. Besides, you worked your butt off when she went back to work. Wheres your payback? Well, my payback is supposed to be spending more time with the kids. She made it sound like a fun thing. Think about what we could do out here. We could get an old motorcycle and fix it up. Like we used to do in high school. Yeah, come on, lets do it. Tell Andi to get her stuff out of here. Yeah, yeah, she doesnt get to decide. No, sir, she does not! No, I decide. And Ive decided were doing it. - Damn straight. - Yeah! Andi needs to know that the garage is a mans place. - Whats that, honey? - Oh, uh, nothing, sweetie. Drinky-drinky, love you. Okay, Andi, when you look at this... how do you feel? I love it. These are our memories. It makes me feel safe and warm. It might make you feel warm cause its a fire hazard. I say we clean all this stuff out of here so Don and I can have a hangout and, I dont know, maybe rebuild an old motorcycle. You have got to be kidding me. You... you want me to throw out all my stuff so you and your brother can have a motorcycle fort? Well, were not calling it that. Look, you told me when you went back to work Id get more time with the kids, and that would be a fun thing. Can we both agree that that was a lie? Yes, that was a lie. I just, I need a spot to decompress. You already have the bathroom. Every time I go in there, Emme sings to me through the door. Now, whenever I hear "The Wheels on the Bus," it triggers something. Look, Andi, Im asking you to do this for me. Fine. Lets try and clean this place out, so you can have your dork fort. Great, but were not calling it that, either. Okay, first up is, uh... okay, camping gear. Huh? Only used once. Total disaster. Teddy ate too many smores, and then he threw up. Then Emme saw his throw-up, and then she threw up. And then Katie fainted into the throw-up. See, that is a great family story, which you remembered because you saw the camping gear. It stays. Okay, uh... Okay, this should be easy. No one could possibly care about a giant container of wine corks. My corks! Martha Stewart has all kinds of ideas for these. Im gonna make a wine-cork collage someday. Is it gonna be a picture of you passed out on the kitchen table? Okay, so, six hours of work, and the only thing that left the garage was a cricket that hopped out on its own. Honey, I think you might be like one of those people on that TV show you make me watch. Dont say Hoarders. I am not a hoarder. I love you too much to say the name of the show that describes you perfectly. Honey, the other night, I was banished to the driveway. And Don and I witnessed Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson making old, grey, surprisingly agile love. Is your stuff really worth all that? I know you want me to say no. Oh, come on, Andi. - Most of its just junk. - Okay, but... what if while were throwing out the junk, we accidentally throw out something important? You see, the junk keeps all the important stuff safe. Its like padding. Yeah. You know, uh... before we got married, your dad wanted to have a little talk with me. And I never did it, and now I know what it was about. Look, I want to do this. I want you to have your own space. Its just... its really hard for me. Then let me make this easy. Ill clean out the garage on my own, and you dont have to worry about a thing. You would have no idea what to throw away and what to keep. Well, dont you trust me? No! Not at all. Im sorry. Have I been unclear? Wow. Hoarders are mean. Honey, Im sorry, okay? Look, I clearly have a problem. We... Well, thats very brave of you to admit. And I think the only way out of this... I mean, as far as I can see... is that, uh, we meet back here in a year and continue this discussion. If you have a minute, Id like to talk more about this blue pill? Lets meet back here in a year, and well talk about it. So, Andi didnt want us cleaning out the garage, and were doing it anyway? No, no. She does want it. She just doesnt know she wants it. Like, when she threw out my cargo pants. Oh, dont tell the cargo pants story again, please. I love my cargo pants. So many pockets, and zippers, and snaps and Velcro, and I had them in every color. I had them in light khaki, dark khaki, khaki. I had them in tan, light tan, dark tan. And then one day, Andi just threw them away. And at first, I was mad. But then I noticed, I wasnt getting caught on doorknobs anymore. Literally, the most boring story ever. My point is she helped me, even though I didnt know I needed help, and now Im helping her. And if Im careful, and I save the right stuff, Im sure shell be happy. If youre so sure, why are we sneaking around while shes at book club? Because Im not sure. Im just doing it anyway. Oh! Check it out! Motorcycles coming today. Wait till you see it. A 61 Triumph, just like the kind Steve McQueen had. - Whoa. - Yeah? You know what that makes us? Exactly as cool as Steve McQueen. Oh, spider web, spider web. Oh! Spider! Spider! Don, get it. Get it together. Were motorcycle people now. - Yeah. - All right, we got a lot of boxes here with old clothes... what do you want me to do with these? Keep or donate? I dont know. This is taking too long. We got to be done by the time Andi gets back, so just... donate, donate, donate and hurry. Im hurrying. If you didnt tell that cargo pants story, wed be done by now. I had cargo shorts, too, you know. Oh, Id love to hear about that. - Oh, yeah, they were great. - Oh, yeah? - Zip-off legs, yeah. - Oh, sweet. You dont think this bike is me having a mid-life crisis, do you? No! No, no. Youre way past mid-life. Oh, good. Hey. Hey, fellas. Don, you know Lowell, right? Sure, hes the dad from school who imprinted on you like a baby duck. Your brothers really had a bracing, masculine effect on me. Today, when my wife said good morning, I just grunted at her. It was not well received. Hoping I can hang here a while. Sure. Oh, here comes Andi. - Start a wine club. - Ooh! What did you do? Okay, before you freak out... No, no. What happened here? Wheres all my stuff? - Let me explain. - No, no, no. You just... you threw it all out? No! Well, yeah. Look, I only did it because I felt like you couldnt, even though you wanted to, like our vow said, "In sickness, and in health," and honey, you have a little sickness. I? I have a sickness. I have a sickness? You throw away - my precious memories, - Wait, just... - and I have a sickness? - I... I think you broke your wife. I just, I cant believe its all gone. Well, no, not all of it. No. Like, see that section over there? Thats all corks. Really? Im-Im supposed to be happy about corks, right now? Are you? A little. Look, yeah, and over here, I made keepsake boxes for all the kids. You should be even happier about that, hopefully. I guess thats not a bad idea. Yeah, yeah, tiny clothes, tiny footprints, tiny teeth. You name something tiny, I kept it. I do like tiny things. - Thats... - Shut up, Don. Oh, Kates first ice skates. Oh, I havent seen these in years. Thats because they were buried. Look, I-Im not taking away your memories, Im giving em back to you by getting rid of all the junk. Okay, well, Im starting to picture my life with you again. Good. Cause I was prepared to make a run for it. I got $200 bucks in my pocket and I already kissed the kids good-bye. Hey, good for you guys. I believe I was promised wine. Oh, and I-I found a bunch of stuff from our wedding. I know you like that day, cause thats the day you got me. Howd he pull that off? Adam Burns... hes all balls. Oh, my God. Look at these wedding pictures. Oh, ladies. Paste on some fake smiles, I found something more boring to do than reading. Oh, wait, wait. Uh, what do you want me to do with this wedding box? Um, just put it with my wedding dress. Your wedding dress? Uh, will do. What wedding dress? I didnt see a wedding dress! Did you see a wedding dress? I bet you threw it away. Hey, you were the one yelling, "Donate, donate, donate!" Yeah, because you said it was just all old clothes. Oh, youre not taking me down for this. If Marcy sees Andi yelling at you, shes gonna want to yell at me. Its animal instinct. Like a wolf hearing another wolf howl. Guys, guys, stop fighting. Its not helping anything and it totally excludes me. This is bad. This is very, very bad. That wedding dress isnt in here. Well, then, it must be at the thrift store. Youre right. Okay, we got to get down there before someone else buys it. All right, Lowell, you tell Andi that Don and I had to run an errand. - Yeah? - Okay. Yeah. Ill tell her you went to get some loose tea. What? - No! - Hardware store? - Yes. - I did it. Hey, uh, hi. Uh, where are your wedding dresses? I dont know. Do you even work here? Yes, but its not my passion. Listen, buddy, do you have wedding dresses or not? Some ladys in the dressing room trying one on. You couldve led with that. But then we wouldnt have had this. Thats it. - Thats the dress. - Okay, I got this. I got this. Uh, maam? Hi, Im a little bit of an expert on wedding dresses. And I got to say, if Im at the alter, watching that thing come at me, Im gonna throw myself through a stained glass window. Excuse me? Yeah, uh-uh, look, I have to apologize for my brother. What he meant to say was, youre way too pretty for that dress. Well, youre too ugly for that shirt. Hey, I-I said something nice. Look, sunshine, you seem like an unhappy person in general, you throw marriage in the mix, its only downhill from there. Okay, maam, look, I-I made a terrible mistake. First of all, I brought my brother here. Hey, whats up? And-and-and second, I accidentally donated my wifes wedding dress and youre wearing it. And it means the world to her and she means the world to me. So I-I need it back. Oh, thats so sweet. I mean, Id be happy to give it you for $500. You really think extortion is gonna work? How do you think I got this ring on my finger? I take back what I said. Youre going to enjoy marriage very much. Oh God, I forgot how much I love that dress. Oh, I could show you a picture of what I wore to my divorce. Or I could just put on a bathrobe, and youd get it. Hey, do you guys want to see my dress? Uh! Lowell, are you okay? Never better. Okay, well Ill go get it. No, no! You cant go out there! W-What are you doing? Im just going upstairs to get my dress out of the closet. Its in your closet? Of course, its in a box on a shelf, where its been for 15 years. What? What is going on, Lowell? Nothing. Doesnt seem like nothing. Is it something Adam did? Something Don did? Something Adam and Don did? Nope. Nothing to report. This mans a liar. Yeah, are you gonna tell us, Lowell, or am I gonna let Marcy get it out of you? Fine. Adam thinks he donated your wedding dress while he was cleaning out the garage, so he went to the thrift store to buy your dress back, but I guess its not your dress since your actual dress is upstairs. Whew. I feel light as a feather. So Adam lied to me. I should go. Um... totally unrelated... anyone know where the thrift store is? Ill figure it out. Okay, I got $282 here. Is that enough for you? Lets make it $284. Sold... to the bad husband with the hot brother. Accidentally hooked her. I cant believe it... I got the dress back! Hey, do you guys mind watching the store while I grab a taco? - Yeah, sure, man, okay. - Yeah. I cant believe I pulled this off. Yeah, its a shame you wont get any credit - for your hard work. - What? Always remember, theres nothing more important in a marriage than keeping score. Hello, boys. And thats game over. Adam! Did a handsome man come in here looking for a wedding dress? You just missed him. But Ill buy those red pants for two dollars. What a weird day. Let me get the chain of events straight. So, you went behind my back and you did something you knew I didnt want you to do. Yup, I-I did do that, but in my defense, you did the exact same thing to me with my... Dont you dare say cargo pants. Multipocketed trousers. And then, when you thought you threw away my wedding dress, you lied to me. Look, this didnt work out great for me, either, you know. I spent $280 on the wrong dress. That was my getaway money. I could really use that right now. See, this is why we need to keep our things, so we can be reminded of, oh, I dont know, what my wedding dress looks like. I mean, does your... thrift store dress look anything like this? No. I cant believe I lost my wedding dress. I am a hoarder. Dont be so hard on yourself. Literally everyone in this room has lost your wedding dress at one time or another. Okay, wait a minute. Now, if-if my dress box was full of corks, that means I took the dress out and I put it where the corks were... which was in the garage. So... you did donate my dress and that means in this bag is... still not my dress! How is this possible? Ugh. So, you dont have the dress. Now, come on, its just a thing. Huh? And... things dont matter because we have our memories. Huh? I remember everything about our wedding day. You do? How could I forget? The way you wore your hair with those... little yellow flowers in it. Mm, white flowers. I remember our first dance. "Faithfully" by Journey. "Witchcraft," Sinatra. I remember the way you smiled at me when your cousin dropped the rings. That was a movie. We got married, right? Its okay, you dont have to remember, I do. Yes, yes, you do. You remember everything. Thats why you dont need the dress or any of that other stuff. Your brain is like our garage full of boxes. All right? Come on, thats... that is pretty romantic, right? It is when you say it, for some reason. Oh, and heres another thing I know for sure happened on our wedding day. You looked beautiful and I... was the luckiest man in the world. I did. And you are. She knows about the dress! Run! Okay, now, remember, lefty loosey, righty tighty and always always double-check Uncle Dons work. Hes right about that. Ive been turning the same bolt for about five minutes. What can I do? Uh, you can find Daddy a rag. Okay. This is gonna be a nice bike. Yeah, yeah. Now, guys that ride these are usually super cool and good-looking... and youre absolutely forbidden to date them. Eh, I would never date a guy with a motorcycle. - But I do kind of like this one guy. - Mm-hmm? Hes the smartest kid in our class. Ha-ha, nerd. Keep turning your bolt there, Don. Oh, thanks, honey. So, tell me more about this boy. Oh, well, hes really cool. - Yeah, he... - Hes really ni... This is Mommys wedding dress. Where did you find this? In that box that says corks.
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